Insecurity seems to be my life!
I feel insecure every time someone doesn't beleive the words that I very carefully choose to say, the things I feel propeited to share or the facts noone in this society cares to beleive. Trust me, being a recovering addict, we do not have the oppirtunty to be believed or excepted that we have had our own battles w/ reality and we have absoulty no idea what it means to find "our own Path".

I was brought up in a Presbyterian church that changed to a Non-denominational Church. I was one of the teenagers in the front rows w/ my hands raised and speaking in tongues. The church became money oriented, in my opinion. I felt as I was looked down on because our family was poor and one of our brothers were handicap. everyone seemed to fake for their own good. When the church changed alot of the "real" members left. I left before I was sixteen. Through out the years I have gone back. I felt it was my "Home". In times of need they were there.
I learned the basic bible stories and touched the feeling of becoming "spiritual" but I always felt something just didn't fit. Becoming a mother and wife at an early age, I knew I wanted it back but being w/a man who didn't believe in church, I didn't go.
After my husband and I split I tried. Several times over numerous years. I found out how they treated my mom when my parents divorced and her reasoning to going back to her Catholic roots. I talked to several people about their reasons of leaving the church. So I looked into several other "religions" and visited other churches. I found that my "home" church was not an "occult" like our home town churches had thought. It was different. I found that by taking away the children programs and encouraging the parents to talk to their children of what was taught in Big church was not the best thing to do. Many children had missed the very foundational teachings that they need to understand the adult words. Not every family has sit down family decisions to help the younger ones to understand life. In my searching I have found everyone is out for their-selves. It's the Human Condition.
I am now dealing w/ the fact that my "home" church told me that because I had not been there faithfully, even after they knew my circumstances, that if I did not make the decision of who and what church was  going to be my Spiritual Authority and come under one Leadership, they could not help me. And because I had grown up there I had felt I was being judged by the other churches in my Hometown. Needless to say, I do not go to church any more.
I fully rely on the Lord in every way. I believe the Great Spirit or Holy Spirit guides me and helps me face my obstacles. I believe in a Higher Power, or Heavenly Creator. Be it male or female and through my studies have come to the opinion that Jesus is not just my Savior but also my Brother. I like to encourage everyone that when they speak to young ones about "Religion" that they say things like "this is what I was taught", "this is what I found" and "this is my opinion'. Why? Becuase it really hurts and pisses you off when you find out that not everyone's belief's are the same, which, in turn, makes us feel that we were getting shit shoved down our throats, that noone truly cares about our wellbeing, and that there is a hidden agenda behind everything!! 

Written 2/4/08:
How can the Oceans run into the Sand,
How can the Sand still stand?

Where are the birds that fly along the Sand?
 
Does the Sand miss the birds?

Oh, yes, the Sand misses the Birds!
Are the Birds of feather?
How do they glade, just so?

The Ocean gobbles the Sand.
The Sand moves to & fro.
How dare the Ocean be the bully!!

Doesn't the Ocean know w/o the Sand
the Ocean would not be?!
The Mighty Ocean, HA!, how it thinks it stands
w/o the Sand!              -unfinished

I have found there is a fine line when we say "Those children live in a make believe world", or "Child, you have a wonderful imagination"! Does anyone truely know whats imagniation or whats "make believe"? How can we tell our young children that their invisible freinds are only "imagenarie" or "you're just making that up(and it scares people,so stop)"? Why should we say such things? Teaching young ones to hide their natural and instictive gifts leads to an unhealthy and dangerous lifestyle. They question everthing they do. They trust noone,including themselves. They feel everything they touch falls apart and noone truely gives a crap if they live or die. The simple act of actual  "Listening" has been lost over time. "To be seen and not heard", has held many,many gifted beings back from meeting their very own potential. So to the question "what imaginary worlds did I create as a child?", Who ever said I was a child? and just because your world was "imaginary", does that mean mine was?
If I was ever a child, My world is very real. It might happen that noone else can see the beings I see and more than likely, according to this world, my freinds are only in story books. Storybooks that I personally have not read and when those stories are read to me they are wrong in some of their details. Do I try and tell what wasn't quite right or do I say, "that was a pretty story but I don't want to hear it, again!"? Should we really care if anyone believes  in this lifecycle that our "make-believe" worlds could actully be that of  "other" lifecycles. How "imaginative" that would be?!