I was most content when I was homeless. This was when my faith had been most challenged. I came to realize that I was a freak to society and the reglious orders said I was different. I was told I did not belong. I found it was ok to be a freak and I told them so. Becuase I am God's freak. I denounced societies labels and prescription's. I learned that most of the homeless were afraid of these labels and became addicts to try and vanish from societies judgements. They felt helpless and were disgusted because they felt there was truely no other way out. I found my way out. I am excited to say my faith grew. When I needed reassurance doves would coo in answer. When I needed a freind someone I didn't know would ask how I was doing. A very simlpe question and when the question was turned back to them I realized the Lord was watching over me becuase I didn't have so bad. When I was in need my guardian Angel's were there to see me through.

The one person I would comfort, at this moment, would be my ex-husband. We were best friends once and we had two beautiful boys. We got together right after high school and were married when our oldest child was four months old. I told him I wouldn't marry him until our child was 2 yrs old just incase we learned we didn't like each other. He caught me of gaurd when we got our taxes back and in a whirlwind we got rings at a pawn shop, grabed his couson, my sister and interupted his Grandmother watching Matlock w/ Randy Travis appearing on it. We wore purple shirts, white jeans and were married in her living room!
Unfortuately, as we grew up, we grew apart and I thought our dreams changed. Now, atfer we've been devoriced for almost 7 years, I have discovered that our seperation was more than likely unnecessary. In my personal journey I have come to terms w/ the fact that my post-partium depression,after my scond son, should of been treated. If I could I would let him know it really wasn't either one of our faults, that I was wrong to be afriad that he couldn't be a good father, and as his ex-wife, I'm proud of him.

Well, its really hard to say. Believe it or not, I do believe, my frist memory would have to be before I was born. I remember being called from my peace place, and the memory I have is sitting on the floor w/ other children types. Kinda in a "u" pattern. Before us was this very big man type. He was older, not very ancient but a grandfather, story teller type. He had a massive book before him. I feel he was teaching us something in way of a story. Preparing us for something.
I want to say, that he picked each one us, seperatly, to show us "movies" of our assignments in life. I remember feeling at awe of this stroyteller, his voice ringing, magical, and booming. The book was SO big!! On being the last to be shown my movie, I had gotten a little afraid for what I had heard, so when it was my turn, I wanted to run. I was frozen to the spot I was sitting and remember being afraid of my turn but yet very curious to see. (It wasn't actually seeing, I heard and saw, I don't know if I can describe it) He stood before me, (note: I am being told that I was the smallest and youngest) He was so big! I couln't see His face behind the book. Then, He said my name and looked over this massive book. Peering at me. I was terrified! But then His face soften, His smile was so loving and i knew He knew I was frightened. I want to say, He held out his hand and said "Come Child". He sat and I stood. We talked, I believe He asked if I had any ideas on how to handle my "movie". I told Him I was going to make a list of things not to do. He smiled, said Ok and started my "movie".
I have seemed to always have certain "lists" for certain subjects. On my "never to do" list, I beleive I have done every "never" but one! I am here to say, from my experience, Never say Never because Never's alway's happen. So if you ever say "never" change it to "ever" in 3 seconds or less and the "never" won't come true! Believe or not, my teenage boys can quote this on a drop of dime. (lol)
I have now come to believe  my story teller may have been Saint Peter and he did call my name. But yet, I am not here to rule the world, just to survive it, as we all are.